Feather

Hello Love, How are you? It’s been so long since we’ve spoken; I just wanted to check in and see what’s been going on in your neck of the woods. The woods here are so beautiful, magical in a winter-style-kind-of-way. Like Spring is coming, yet the barren winter haze still envelopes the land, cirrus clouds circling the blue-gray sky. It’s a radiance that can only be appreciated after many light snows and rapid cold fronts. They say another cold spell is coming, but for today, I am choosing to appreciate the mild temperatures while the sun continues to press its way through. I’m so thankful for the strength of the Sun. It reminds me of you- intentional and purposeful, yet so gentle in Her strength. 

As The Lord would have it, I have landed here in these mountains not exactly clear on why I am here, how I arrived, or what to do next. I believe this is the place He wants me because in the wondering and curiosity, the fascination and awe, I am completely surrendered into His Loving Arms and Tender Care. Hard for the human side of me but blissful for The Spirit alive within me. Today I choose Spirit and let my wings expand. It’s like I can sense they are unfurling even more than before, a slight tingle on my upper back, near my scapula – my shoulder blades cutting through those places previously holding me down. It’s magic, I say! Yet my feet are still firmly anchored on the ground, the soft tundra after the morning rain. And here comes the Sun, once again!

Feathers fascinate me. Have you ever come upon a feather on your path and noticed what you were just thinking about, what your wondering thoughts were saying at that given moment? I had this experience recently, and it floored me. I was thinking about what it would feel like to fly. And there she was, the feather. Gray with mostly white accents. It was the white that originally caught my eye. And I thought to myself, “What if we all have wings, they are just stuck in that place where humans carry the most stress – right there in the shoulder blades. And why are they called shoulder blades? Blades cut things. I began to wonder if we can use these “blades” to cut out the weeds in our lives to allow for our wings to come out, unencumbered. Do we hold that much power in those small little spaces inside our skin suit?

And if we do hold that much power, why in the heavens are we not accessing it, using it for all the good it’s intended to provide and shine? So right then and there, I decided I would not only access this inner power but use it fully AND use it wisely. Never to hurt or avoid but to clear spaces and open my wings. And to open my wings on my upper back means my chest must need the same kind of opening. Opposite to these blades and wings would be my heart and my chest. My treasure chest. I would open that area, too. And keep it open. I would ask God to protect me while I did this great and slightly terrifying experiment. Because as you also know, my sweet friend, to open our hearts requires great courage, as the vulnerability can feel so scary sometimes – especially to those like you and me who have been badly bruised there. It can feel like death or free falling or worse. 

I soon realized something else that, at the time, felt so monumental and unheard of. You probably already know these things; sometimes I feel it takes me a bit to understand the things I grapple with the most. What I came to see was that to open the heart and be vulnerable was a great risk, but to never fly was an even greater risk. Because flying was what I was born to do. And if I never left the ground, a piece of me would never awaken. And that piece that MUST awaken was my greatest adventure, my purpose, my reason for being here, alive on this planet in this time and place, today. This piece within me was the GOLD I came here to dig for, find, discover, uncover, and shine, to share with all of humanity. If I didn’t go get it, I would not only suffer but so would everyone else. And if I did not go get that inner treasure, I would be burying it, and if I allowed it to remain buried, I would not be holding up my end of the bargain with God, I would not be honoring Him with my life in the biggest way I know how.  

All because of seeing one feather on my path. What a small thing to have such a great impact! 

That was the day I opened my heart fully and for the first time, most profoundly, I knew how. And for the first time, I felt both of my wings come undone, untangled, exposed to the Sunlight and surrounded by the forest, the sounds of birds singing and the winds blowing. It felt so good to be so free, so transparent, so…me. 

I wondered what took me so long. And then I laughed. The timing is always perfect. It was always meant to be today. For it takes time to find gold inside ourselves. Lots of weeds and bugs to work through. Lots of terrains to travel. Lots of lessons to learn. Lots of perseverance to generate. Lots of stories to release and lots of ideas to let go of. And on the other hand, lots of experiences to have and memories to make, and pain to stare in the face. It takes time to realize there are no monsters under that bed!

Suddenly, I remembered something: early in life I traveled around the world in groups, with others—some I knew well and others I did not. Then I was led to travel solo. And then I was led to travel solo within. The layers were all mandatory for peeling away what is non-essential in favor of what is. To release the minutiae in favor of the pearls. I knew the gold was inside me. I never let go of that fact. All the while, others seemed to look only at my outsides; they said I was flighty or a gypsy or a nomad or non-committal or a freak. Yes, it hurt at first, but then I realized it was them who could not see, not me. For my eyes were locked on the King of all Kings Who was leading me and Who kept leading me deeper, deeper and deeper down. I had a mustard seed of faith and a huge heart, the determination of a crime fighter, and the endurance of a great athlete. I never let go of The Hand that saved me so many years ago. Dying in that ditch, He had come for me. I said I wanted to go all the way in Him, and I meant it. I still do; I still mean it. All the way. This means GOLD inside me.  

I hear many people don’t make it. They turn back just before they find what they came here to find. Or they flip out when the path requires emotional stability and emotional ease. What I have seen is many people want to skip very important steps, and if they do, they will have to go back to repeat those steps at some point. I understand and want to be sure you know I am not speaking this in judgment. For this is the human experience – humans are determined to awaken to the spiritual experience instead. Hats off to those who persist, keep trying and never give up. Because you never know if that one additional step was all that was needed, all that was required, to meet The Treasure face-to-face.  

So, my friend, whatever you are going through, please don’t give up. You are golden and you WILL find what you’re most searching for and looking for. Ask God to help you look in all the right places and for heaven’s sake- ignore what you think others are thinking of you. It won’t matter in the end, anyway. I tell you this because this piece is often what holds people back. I don’t want to see it happen to you. Keep digging inside. And remember, what you are looking for is not “out there” in the material things. No problem at all if you have those things, but they are not the answer to the deepest question you are seeking an answer. What you are most wanting to know and uncover is inside your soul.  

So, re-orient if you get off track and redirect your efforts. Always remind yourself you are setting off on an adventure of a lifetime. There is no generic roadmap or cookie-cutter path. This is stepping into Ultimate Reality and will require consistent faith and a laser-focused intention at times. I’m not saying it is easy but even the hardest parts can be incredibly beautiful if your mind and heart are locked into Him.

This endeavor will also require a level of strength you could never muster on your own. You gotta get this part: You will need God to assist you. This is a fact. So I encourage you to spend time with your God and get to know Him intimately. This is never time wasted. It’s the opposite. Anything you do other than this IS time wasted. So get to work— in the right way. The world may send messages that you are lazy or unfit for working in the “real world” or not doing it right. Remember to consider the source, duck your head down and keep doing your thing, your work in Him. And trust He is leading you, guiding you, and showing you more and more each day. Commit to running the race at His pace, and you will make it.  

Remember the Cross? He won. And therefore those who belong to Him win, too. You win. So what’s the rush? If He speeds you up, go faster. If He slows you down, be humble enough to do that, too. You won’t regret this endeavor; the only regret will be if you don’t take it if you don’t travel the path in Him, if you don’t choose the unknown for a taste of freedom over the well-worn path. I am here to tell you, the well-worn path is not for you. You are more than that. You are born for more than copying the behaviors and customs of this world. Let Him renew your mind while you’re at it. Might as well use this opportunity to get completely rewired. If you’re like me, you’d rather have it all happen at once rather than pull the bandaid off so slowly… hurts more that way, doesn’t it? Be bold in your relationship with Him and never forget to say “Thank You”, for thankfulness is the Key to the Kingdom, in my experience.  

And if you need a helping human hand, remember I am here for you. I don’t have the answers for your life, but I am a great listener and maybe I could help you uncover your gold in some way. I’ll at least stand by your side as you shovel! Smiling. I’m reminded of how He says “Where two or more gather in His (Holy) Name…”

I love you, Tender Heart, and thank you in advance for going all the way in Him- your courage and bravery are evidence of His aliveness within you and Power moving through you. I can’t wait to see what He reveals through you next!  

I want you to know how much your letters mean to me; they always seem to arrive when I need to hear from you the most. That is How He Works, isn’t it?! I love how we get to share so openly about our belief in God and our struggles in life; I love our prayer warrior sessions, too. There is nothing more important, more beautiful, or more lasting than that! Let’s continue to write when we can, as the Lord allows. In the meantime, may His Peace and Presence rest on your soul, now and always and forever. You’re golden, girl!

With the Love of Christ,

TBA

 

12:44EST 1/25/21