On April 8th, 2024, the day of the eclipse, I was at the Botanical Gardens. I put on my jet pack and ran the 2-mile paved trail to get there, just before noon. The event lasted until 3:00. I arrived early to ensure I could get the proper glasses and explore the grounds.
I had never been there before. Not to see the flowers and landscape. I had only run the dirt trails at the back of the property.
I traveled solo.
My feet led me to the left. The purple flowers caught my attention. Off to the side was this old rotary dial phone. I smiled. I loved these phones as a kid. But it was the sign that choked me up.
“Telephone of the Wind
This phone is for everyone who has lost a loved one.
The phone is a healing tool for those who have messages they wish to share with their lost friends and family.
It’s a phone for making the longest of long-distance calls, for memories, and saying the goodbyes you never got to say, all within the privacy and support of nature.
Dedicated in Loving Memory of
Brock Gossett”
I’m not sure if there was any hesitation; I don’t think so. I sat down in the dirt with white butterflies surrounding me, and I had the longest long-distance call to my Dad. I didn’t care that people looked curious or confused. I didn’t even care if they heard me.
At one point, a woman interrupted my VERY important call to inquire what I was up to. I told her point-blank, showing her the sign. She asked if it worked. I told her, “Yes, I can hear him; I believe I can”. I didn’t wait for her to say anything else. I immediately returned to our phone conversation, explaining the cause of the interruption.
So I sat there in the sunshine on the dirt with a green jet pack, salty sweat, bright pink lipstick, dirty trail shoes, a hat and sunglasses, a white rabbit shirt and blue shorts – surrounded by flowers and butterflies and talked to my Dad on an old dark brown rotary dial phone.
It felt like hours. It could have been minutes. I have no idea. All I know is this: he is so proud of me. He reminded me how much I’ve always loved nature – planting plants, playing in the dirt, climbing trees, swimming in creeks, and running in the fields always brings great joy to my heart. He reminded me that nature is my home. And it will heal me again, heal my heart that loves so big and gets broken a lot. But he said it takes great strength to keep loving big anyway.
He reminded me that’s why I love running so much, especially the trails. And why I’ve been studying healing, plants, herbal medicines, and wholesome foods for more than 30 years, no matter what others thought of me (before it was cool, like it is today).
He said to keep going. That he’s always with me. How much he loves seeing me grow like the trees and flowers do, and fly like the birds and butterflies. And how brave I’ve had to become without him here. Teaching myself to do all the things I once relied on him to help me with, like traveling and going on adventures. How I refused to let his death or fear stop me from doing what makes my heart sing. How he was proud I follow my own heart no matter what. And I do what it takes to keep going even when my heart gets hurt. I keep showing up to grow.
He reminded me how I healed myself from a traumatic brain injury intuitively. How there wasn’t help back then like there is now. And so I taught myself, took classes, and led myself toward healing. How I found ways to heal from abuse. How I found my voice buried in the pain and got to say no. And walk away.
He said he’s so proud of my strength and courage. That the woman I’m becoming will blow my mind. And reminded me of his famous quotes I’ve integrated – to have a little bit of fun every day. It’s all about approach. And no one can ever take my education away. I may be overqualified for many opportunities, but I WILL find my niche, my message, and my tribe and discover the greatest joy helping others from the wealth of life experience I carry.
As we always do, we ended the conversation with “I love you so much”. “I love you too.” This time he also said, “I’ll be with you”. I felt peace. He never lies to me.
I can’t seem to make sense of the world since his absence, yet I can no longer remember what it’s like to have a dad physically present in this world with me.
There have been so many moments in life when I’ve been close to death. I know I’m here to contribute, I know something is being birthed out of me. I know I’m loved by my Dad. I know all of who I’ve become is something to be proud of, despite what unhealthy people have tried to say. And I know that my strength comes from God and that can never be weakened, taken away, or destroyed. I know the greatest tragedies become our stories of triumph. I kept thinking I needed to BE someone, not because I believed that, but because that’s what the world and a select few unwell people would like me to believe.
I’m here to remind you:
Your dreams are NOT a distraction. You should NEVER let someone tell you your dreams are stupid or that you should get a new one. You do NOT have to follow the paths of those who came before you.
You CAN have agency and CHOOSE your path. When GOD is with you, nothing else matters. You’ll always win by being who you are. My Dad said so.
Now plant your garden. It could be in your backyard or the recesses of your heart. It’s time to play again. Dance like you dance. Sing to the trees. They love this (I know from personal experience). And if all else fails, grab an old school phone and make that longest long-distance call to Heaven. I PROMISE The One Who answers on the other end of The Line will be The Voice of Love.
Love surrounds you.
Love surrounds us.
We Are Love.
4/8/24 @ 11:49 am
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